Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List

I wanna know who cut Steve Mnuchin in on the action.

Sagrilarus wrote: I wanna know who cut Steve Mnuchin in on the action.

The man who did this is an angel on earth.

The Kentucky native said on Facebook that Secret Service agents interviewed him about the gutsy stunt Sunday evening.

“Yikes! Luckily I have peace of mind and a clean conscience. I now join my biggest hero’s who also had an FBI file. It’s a right of passage,” Strong wrote.

He said Timothy Leary and Martin Luther King were among his heroes, according to Al.com.

With a deafening *THUD* a package dropped onto my front porch. I walked over to investigate, I cracked opened the door and immediately a rush of uneasiness rushed over my body. I dragged the massive box into the den and left it under the tree.



Radiating with some sort of power it was not long before the entire family had been beckoned to the room. "Open it." They demanded in unison. I glanced an unknowing look to my wife, worried about scarring the children with the unknown contents. She gleefully responded by raising the camera, already under the package's dark power. Armed with scissors I attempted to end the madness, but it was too late and we began to dig in.






The first of innards spilled into greedy hands, a small collection of unopened christmas cards, who knew Satan was so festive?



Unable to container herself my daughter jumped up and rushed forward. Seizing the box with lust and greed that would please the dark one. The second gift had been revealed, ethernet cable!



Too Slow Daddy! She grabbed the first item she could reach and held it high. In the process spilling its contents into the box for future discovery.



I pull forth an orange orb, seemingly imbued with power and hold it tight in my hand. After spilling the xmas cards all over, my daughter dances around the glut of items with great furor.



One by one father and daughter are further entrapped in Old Scratch's offerings. A fine Christmas themed wine, oversized Santa pen, an awesome Color Runner headband, the other side of the foam that once contained.... something.






With a recently developed ability to read and recognize "bad words" a great delight came over her when one of SS's special messages became known.



The seemingly endless box continued to give. It only took a moment to figure out that these were not trash... but treasure. In what I'm guessing is Man-O-War 3D standees, seen here my brain at hard work trying to place them - stunned by the blitzkrieg of never ending gifts.



The games began to flow from the box. A collection of "Scary Tales" by the good Dr.





I composed myself and gathered the pieces that had been scattered earlier. Despite being distracted for a moment by more modeling stuff to paint (1:35th scale barriers gonna have to find a use for those!) I recognize them not just as miniatures to paint, which would be cool enough, but they are from my favorite game Blood Bowl. They also happen to be the really cool old school ones that have a lot more character than the new ones. Satan knows the urge to make teams around these figures is now great... damn you!




Here you can see me trying to decipher one of Satan's most puzzling gifts. A wine bottle from Printer Source - with a note describing how printer source has placed a donation in my name to some undoubtedly infernal cause. I'm not sure if this "Wine" is meant to be consumed or not, it is tough to tell.



The dark reach of the box finally reached my son, who joined the cadre to pull out Dungeon Twister and Expansion. His dead, unknowing stare reflects the power that has taken over the room.




Unbelivably the gifts conitnued. A set of wargame rules I had never heard of plus expansion!, a copy of Down in Flames, an in-shrink copy expansion to an OOP game Relic Halls of Terra, a starter for a discontinued LCG with no chance of ever coming back WH 40K Conquest, things with my new interest back into 40K I will likely love and need to track down more of. Thanks for the chore!



My son claimed the aforementioned orange orb and runs off to uncover its secrets.



Even more of the contents are revealed. Two more games I had never heard of with funny names in Quelf and Shafausa and a copy of Infiltration that my daughter seemed extremely interested in playing and forced me to explain her the "rules" before I opened it.




The box lay dormant, but a finally peak revealed a going away present. The house being besieged with stink bugs this spring he left a parting reminder that everything that crawls and skitters may do his bidding. Perhaps how he scouted us for some time, learning how to send such awesome gifts.



With no answer to the amount of generosity shown me this year. I go back to the most puzzling thing. Is this wine edible or meant to be consumed? Only one way to find out.




Whoever my SS was you have totally outdone yourself. The whole family had a blast and the gifts were overwhelmingly nice and are greatly appreciated. Guess when I do this next year I'm due to be screwed because I just gained like 3 years worth of great things that other Satans will need to make amends for.



Happy Holidays to all FAT:ies.

Quite possibly the best post in the history of The Fort. The pic of your boy holding up the Paladins game should be the sites new logo. There are so many layers of awesomeness to it

Love the shot of you with the scissors to your own throat, or is he trimming his beard? Who knows??

Cute kids, awesome family, great pics. Merry Xmas Alex Trebek.

I am so freaked out, for years I pictured you as an old dude in a dentist coat.

Epic SS, whoever did that! Maybe a little too nice though...

I am drunk thanks to a bottle of some premium beer; Kentucky Morning Christmas. It's some sort of gingerbread coffee stout aged in a bourbon cask. God damn!
Anyway, that I can post my Satan loot is an Xmas mirialce. Thank Christ for auto-correct!


Starting with threats from the Ghost of Xmas Future


The Classic. Send a FAT:tie an expansion. Ha ha ha. I'm a Cthulhu nutcase and I already own KoT! This is a beautiful gift you Satanic bastard!


I am too foggin in the noggin to understand


The box bodes well. I was hoping for some illegal Chinese cast knock off bullshit... Instead, I got....


An old school Warhammer Rat Ogre. It's beautiful. I cried. I'm crying right now. This guy will look 100% retarded beside my 2016 rat team.

Thank you Satan. If any other packages arrive, I'll anticipate chipped teeth from hell hounds and dirty diapers from succubi spawn.

What are y’all using to post pictures here?

imgur

It took me about eight years to realize I could attach photos and then hit "insert attachment." Up until that time I was using Imgur as well, or just copying the URL.

I usually post with imgur too.

I know I'm hella late, so here goes.

A little over a week ago, as promised, Jack Scratch left a package on my doorstep, accented by the screaming devilkins caterwauling as they flew away; their mission completed.

my guinea pig brave son, chose to de-Santanify it by the tried and true finger crucifix!



Did it work? We'll see! (I retreated to a safe distance).



Since no noxious gas emanated after opening, I approached the table to see what deviltry lay in the box.




The first thing that caught my eye was a loose pouch. I initially thought it was a M:TG bag. Wow, haven't played Magic in 20+ years...




The Boy picked it up and examined it. "Uh, Dad? I don't think it's Magic." He turned it over and showed me the embroidery. Love Letter. No..... No, no, no, no! It can't be. Those weren't elements, they were MON!




Goddammit, now I have a L5R version of Love Letter.

Pulling back the infernal bubble wrap, we found a letter from the Great Deceiver himself. Well, mostly a quote. Nobody ever said he was original.




Underneath that was the Ares Project. Never heard of the game, but since my group usually has at least 4 players, we'll definitely get this to the table.




The last level of box Hell was reserved for the Romance of the 9 Empires, a cracked out version of the Shadowfist theme. Looks interesting, I'll try to get The Boy to play it. If I can get him away from his New Xbox One.



Again, I got off light this year, as opposed to the dreaded SS 2015, where I received nothing but pain in a box. With nigh unplayable games, AND IT WAS GLORIOUS!!

I hope all my FATties had a good Christmas/Holiday Season. I sure did.

This is the grimmest Secret Satan of all time. No bullshit.

superflycircus.com/2017/12/the-grim-tale-of-secret-satan-2017/

Immediately reminded me of a story I read once...
thoughtcatalog.com/jack-follman/2015/04/...police-are-involved/

That was amazing Pete, and an amazingly evil gift. Please, please nobody try to top the necklace of human teeth.