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Secret Satan 2017 - "Gifts" Received List
- SuperflyPete
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- Salty AF
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gorm wrote: Well you can’t get more traditional than breast milk <shudder>…
Protip: If you shake the boobies hard enough, you still don't get butter.
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- SuperflyPete
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- Salty AF
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- hotseatgames
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- D12
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SuperflyTNT wrote: Reminder: Part of the contract of Secret Satan is posting results.
I think I've only had a single recipient ever, actually post his results.
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- SuperflyPete
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- Salty AF
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hotseatgames wrote:
SuperflyTNT wrote: Reminder: Part of the contract of Secret Satan is posting results.
I think I've only had a single recipient ever, actually post his results.
Barnes was unusually laid back as the Concierge De Satan this year, but this is the one thing that he really needs to harp on as the Sultan of Secret Satan. It is part of the social contract with this stuff.
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SuperflyTNT wrote: Barnes was unusually laid back as the Concierge De Satan this year, but this is the one thing that he really needs to harp on as the Sultan of Secret Satan. It is part of the social contract with this stuff.
I think we should periodically post a roll call of delinquent participants. I feel comfortable making that suggestion because, um, I'm one of the delinquents. But I'm going to share, honest! Most of my holiday drama - illnesses, parties, etc. - has abated, I have my pictures taken and edited, and all I have to do is take a final inventory and I should be able to post something in the next day or so.
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Subtle as always, I see. First, there was this warning shot:
Inside the bubble wrap were multiple gifts, all of them numbered to insure I would be disappointed in the correct chronological order.
This was the first one:
Regarding the comment about my underwear, I'm going to tell you what I tell my wife: It would be a waste to throw them out and it's not weird if my dad doesn't wear them anymore. Anyway, like most veteran Secret Satan recipients I've received so many bogus expansion boxes filled with unrelated "gifts" that the mere sight of one on the shelf at a FLGS is enough to make my gorge rise. This was no exception, though the hashtag was a nice, twisted reminder of one more thing about 2017 that I'd rather forget.
Here's what was inside:
And this is the part where the contents of my package turns into an investigation from an X-Files episode. And not a good episode, either. No, it's one of those episodes where you think it's going to have aliens or some cool monster but instead it's about a mind-reading chimp with a heart of gold that they explain away with some hand-wavy bullshit about "genetic experimentation." Where was I? Oh yeah, anyway, it was a deck of custom cards and some Zombicide stuff that I predicted would underwhelm the more I knew about it. I was correct.
The cards look like they comprise a custom event deck for Blood Bowl, and because I'm an OCD weirdo Satan sent them loose with no documentation since he knew I would count every. Single. One. There are 104 total cards from 7 different (complete) sets marked: ST, GK, MM, DT, MI, RE and DM.
As for the Zombicide stuff, it looks like the remains of several Zombicide "Gaming Night" in-store events, sans any of the miniatures. Other than one copy of Gaming Night #1, everything else is in Spanish, French, German and possibly a fourth language I can't be bothered to research.
Full Inventory
Gaming Night #1 (x11, one in English)
Gaming Night #2 (x2)
Gaming Night #3 (x2)
Gaming Night #4 (x1)
Gaming Night #5 (x4)
Zombie spawn deck
Kyoko (x8)
Bill (x10)
Thiago (x10)
M. Phal (x5)
Azaghal (x10
Jovem Nerd (x10)
Wow, who knew so little substance could occupy so much space? Well, played.
On to package #2:
And below the note was this:
After a modicum of research I think those are just the cards from the Doomtown: Reloaded LCG base set. And upon reflection I really like how subtly diabolical this present is. See, the shrink-wrapped cards are there to suck me in by giving the illusion of value, as well as the fact that the game itself, while obscure, is well-regarded and you can build four playable faction decks with the above cards. But on the other hand, there are no rules or tokens included and getting this game into playable shape will be something of a chore, and how big of a chore won't be apparent until I'm in elbow deep. The evil in this gift was simple and well-balanced, like a well-cooked steak (or fresh tabbouleh salad, if you're vegan).
And finally:
Ah, nice pivot. Instead of the thought-provoking steak of the Doomtown cards, Satan decided that the penultimate gift should be the equivalent of slapping three pieces of cheese, eight pieces of bacon, a hotdog and a few jalapeno poppers on a hamburger. However, anything less would have been disappointing. Normally I would taunt Satan with the fact that I not only intend to play this game but have already sleeved it, but I can't imagine any situation where that gives me an advantage.
Regardless, I remain, as always, humbled by my gifts and I look forward to next year's shenanigans. Thanks Satan!
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First, prior to Christmas a package arrived from Amazon. no note, addressed to me, from some amazon affiliate. I thought it was my wife who made a mistake in addressing the package. No. it must have been Satan. Even he was disgusted by his package he had to send something to soften the blow.
Cutthroat Caverns Expansion 1 - inexpensive enough that I've had it on the wishlist forever, but never pulled the trigger to actually buy.
Then on the day after Christmas, the mail man delivered a box with a thump! and ran away giggling (screaming?)
and I proceeded to open the box of delights.
I neglected to take a picture of the box, but inside were multiple little boxes!
Little did I know that despair smells of...bubble bath?
dark chocolate covered pomegranate seeds (my wife promptly stole these, as the only redeemable part of the whole thing!), circus peanuts, watermelon twizzlers and violet?! mints. the Violet Mints we spent maybe 20 minutes trying to figure out what they smelled like (I haven't been able to bring myself to try them yet) but Mr. Bubble Bubble bath is the answer.
Package #2 -
Star Wars - Check, Episode 1? agh......but one of the redeeming parts of that movie. we will see, reviews aren't terrible....
Package #3
Panzer Leader! one of those games I remember pining for. I remember seeing it on the shelf at the Post Exchange in Hawaii...and being tempted. Now it will sit on the shelf and be ignored next to prettier games. (actually, if I remember, this should be a decent solo able game)
Package 4
Lone Wolf and Cub. reading the back of the box this actually looks like a exciting adventure game set in feudal japan.
Reading any reviews will show that its a adventure game set in feudal japan with terrible rules and terrible writing.
#E
So a Jeff Dunham book, an anthology of Zombie romance (!?) and a W40k book, always good for some junk reading.
AA -
Alright, some videos!
Well, discs 3,5,6 of a Cowboy Bebop collection....an anime that looks like a hentai or harem show, but I guess actually isn't. random other stuff....Alfred Hitchcock in case that's falling apart. and a cars-rip off that my kids won't even watch.
and of course a love note from the man himself
This was a wild ride to go through. Thanks Satan!
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- Michael Barnes
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- Mountebank
- HYPOCRITE
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- SuperflyPete
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- Salty AF
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- Secret Satan
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- D6
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I thought I would hear your wailing all the way down here in the swamps, but alas my delivery of pain was not intense enough. You actually received games you have an intent to play, which is unacceptable to me. I can take comfort that your wife's soul is now mine, as she has partaken in the forbidden pomegranate candies. Never accept candy from strangers, or me, for that matter. I end up with souls and you end up eating candy that tastes like soap.
Finally, the letter to you is in the mother tongue - Welsh. Nothing says FUCK YOU than a string of arbitrary consonants and vowels to communicate.
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