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Secret Satan 2018 - Gifts Received Thread

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06 Jan 2019 11:41 #289303 by jur
nothing received yet.

But somebody else has, so I hope to see that revealed

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06 Jan 2019 23:33 #289331 by Secret Satan
Jur, your package arrived in the Netherlands on the 22nd. That seemed far too speedy for the postal service, so I pulled some strings and got customs to hold it until today. It's in PostNL's hands now.
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10 Jan 2019 17:15 #289736 by jur
And so it did, Satan!

Of course the delays in delivery are all intented by Satan, including days waiting for neighbours to be home at the same time to finally get your hands on the stuff.

And then at last!

At last you hold the diminutive package in your hands and rip it open. Casting caution to the wind in case there might be anthrax in there. It seems not to actually be that bad....



And there's a message...




Well... you spot the fruitcake for me...



Guess these games will be added to my to do list for 2019.

I never understood that Milch und Gherkins was actually a composite game made out of two others! The genius had escaped me, but no more! It will get an outing with friends and family, if only I can get hold off the rules....

I will seek a victim for some Cold War. How appropriate these days!

But my fear of the dark might prevent me from ever playing Nyctophobia. Perhaps some friends can hold my hand during the game, which is apparently played with sunglasses on...

Many thanks again to Satan for hitting me where it hurts!


The package I sent out seems to have arrived as well, but the receiver has not posted his ill gotten gains yet. Dommage! But I guess the silence says enough of the unspeakable horrors that have come upon him...
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26 Jan 2019 18:22 - 26 Jan 2019 18:23 #290727 by Rliyen
After winning back my soul from Jack Scratch (it involved fiddles…Just don’t ask) after last year’s offerings from him, I decided to play it safe and hope the offerings this were not soul tempting.

On Christmas Eve, I received a very slim package from some god awful locale in Europe. Inside, was, how shall we say, a portent of things to come.








OF COURSE WHAT WAS MISSING WERE THE CARDS AND PLAYING PIECES. Not even out of the starting gate, and Satan’s being a dick. But he knew me, next thing I know I’m going to BGG to determine HOW to get replacement pieces. All this, for a vaguely interesting game.

Days go by, and I think I’m in the clear. NOPE! Got a note from Uncle Satan’s Postal Service, stating that I had a package. Of course, the postal imps didn’t even bother to check to see if anyone was at home (they were), and just left a note. Sunsabitches.

The following Saturday, I drag my son to USPS and retrieve the package. What I get left little to the imagination. A horrible package smelling of brimstone and sulfur, possibly “water” damaged, and wrapped by USPS say, WE DIDN’T DO THIS! IT CAME TO US LIKE THIS! HONEST!



I say “water” damaged, because of the hellish smell and THERE WAS MOTION INSIDE THE BOX! Fortunately, my son is a veteran to these annual rituals and dealt with the beast accordingly.



After the box stopped moving, and the smoke cleared, we opened the box. We found a note from JS himself.



The first offering is very tempting. City of Remnants.



Last edit: 26 Jan 2019 18:23 by Rliyen.
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26 Jan 2019 18:28 #290728 by Rliyen
But something smelled from within the game, so we opened it. My God, what ARE THESE THINGS?!? Imp poop? Daemonette pasties?



Picking one up and smelling it, I found rather disturbingly that they smelled pleasant. I cautiously popped it in my mouth. After chewing it, my son asked, “Well?”

“Imp poop tastes like ginger snaps.”

The next offering was Escape from the Aliens in Outer Space, a game known as “Battleship, but with moving ships and lies”.



Again, something smelled funny, so I opened it. Our Imp passenger had severe GI issues, because this one was chock full of poop, too.



The next game intimated to me that Beelze knew me well. I am truly a Kevin Wilson fanboy.





After this, my son fished out a small card game. In Krazy Hellspeak it translated as “To Be Badly Successful”, a game about being good at being bad.



I grabbed a “water” stained edge of a box (Imp had incontinence, it seems) and pulled it out. Written in Snooty Hellspeak was Hispania, a historical game of invasions.


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26 Jan 2019 18:31 #290729 by Rliyen
Noah was busy picking through the blasphemous insides of the box and discovered some things. GOLD EURO CHOCOLATES (the devil’s currency!), which he must want me to pay Charon when I cross the Styx. Judging by the amount, there must be a lot of transfers prior to getting to the other side.



His next discovery was a small box. Upon seeing it, my eyes narrowed. “That motherfucker,” I muttered.



“What?” Noah asked.

Opening it, I discovered the pieces to Black Death. “He sent the pieces later.”



Fortunately, I had not started on making the replacement pieces.


The final small offering he found was a pitch black bag written in Guttural Hellspeak. Translated as “Eye for an Eye”, a gang fighting dice game.



A slim tome featuring Daemonettes was fished out next. MACHO WOMEN WITH GUNS. Long ago, a lifetime ago, I dimly remember seeing posters in my local (now closed for all eternity) game store about this RPG. Now, I have it. Yay?




Poring over Hell’s bounty had me satisfied and wanting. I enjoyed my offerings, but not enough to give my soul over. Suck it, Satan. Try again next year!

(And thank you very much Jur. The games are truly appreciated!)

And many apologies to everyone. We're prepping for trial and I don't know what day it is sometimes.
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05 Feb 2019 18:00 #291575 by drewcula

Oh Satan... I can smell you a mile away.


Oooohhh. I can't wait to see what' behind wrapped gift no.1!


Well played.


This seems promising!


Ho ho ho. Very good. This title is very prolific in the D.C./Md/Va thrift store circuit, where is spawns additional copies when not tended.


Well, this is gonna be rich.


I got a hernia picking this box up without using my legs. Jesus H. Crackers this is the practically the entire run of cards + 1 million years of expansion material inside. It's a Christmas miracle/curse!


and at the bottom, this little hint of a package.

Inside was Twilight Struggle. A game I've been meaning to play.

Thanks old Scratch. Apologies to all F:ATties who have to see this development 6 weeks after unwrapping. I can't wait to offer my dark services again in ten months. See y'all around the brimstone.

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05 Feb 2019 18:02 #291576 by drewcula
Also, my devil cat sends her regards. Thanks again Satan.

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