Squirrels Suck

This may not be of much comfort, but be happy that it isn't raccoons. Crafty little buggers.

Squirrels are pesky. They are rats with fluffy tails that will attack your pets. I hate the squacking noise they make.

But I do quite enjoy watching them bury (or pretend to bury) food supplies all over the place. It's funny when a lone tulip pops up in the middle of a yard because a squirrel buried a bulb there and forgot about it.

I'm moving into my first house in about three weeks, and I already have a problem thanks to squirrels. The roof vent pipes on my house will need new collars, because squirrels have been gnawing on the existing lead ones. According to the property inspector, squirrels like the smell of lead. So I will need to buy my first ladder and perform my first home repair before snow starts flying around the start of November.

we had a squirrel eat through the screen door on our deck -- what the hell?!?

Bullwinkle Presents: The Art of Squirrel Hunting


STEP 1: KNOW YOUR ENEMY




STEP 2: ARM YOURSELF APPROPRIATELY




STEP 3: WEAR CAMOUFLAGE




STEP 4: KISS YOUR LOVED ONES GOODBYE -- YOU MAY NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN




STEP 5: SNEAK UP ON YOUR ENEMY -- EASY...EASY...




STEP 6: VICTORY!




STEP 7: ENJOY THE SPOILS OF WAR




STEP 8: RETURN TO BED




Motherfucking squirrels.

What? Estimated street value $1.37? It's only €0.34 here. Imma movin to the USA!

I'll trade you for one of these fat fucks.

Best F:AT post ever, Bullwinkle.

Bookseller wrote: This may not be of much comfort, but be happy that it isn't raccoons. Crafty little buggers.

My old landlord called them Rats with good PR. It's about right. They can be absolute bastards! I once watched my cat sit in a tree waiting for a squirrel and when one leaped from one tree to the other the cat came down and waited with open arms. Squirrel was fucked, he did one of those looney tunes try to peddle backwards in mid air things and then the cat swatted him out of the air, pounced on him once on the ground, then ripped him to pieces.

It wasn't cruel, it's just the Cat's nature. But it was a beautiful sight.

When they pissed me off in my old apartment I used to get a water gun filled with vinegar and sit on the balcony, when they came near I squirted them in the face, they hated that and tended to leave me alone.

Trapping and lethal measures don't work because they'll come back.

Get some fox urine pellets. Yes, crystalized fox pee-pee. Sprinkle it where the interlopers are coming into the house and where they're posting up. Squirrels don't care to keep company with foxes, so they'll go away once they smell the pee. And they won't come back, assuming there's a predator there.

If you can't find fox, coyote or wolf will work too. Ace Hardware tends to carry this stuff,I think the brand is called Shake Away.

We need AT-PP to scare away the Eugenes.

"This game night gathering smells ... confrontational."

Two Choices.

1. Drop a copy of Diplomacy in the attic, they'll kill each other.

2....